i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
