Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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