smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
