i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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