just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize