I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
