he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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