I wanna bring you to show and tell
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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