there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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