we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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