then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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