it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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