Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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