is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
