This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
