He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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