Banned from zoo.
Again?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
