"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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