I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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