I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
