yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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