I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
