she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
