where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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