True but thats because hes a fetus.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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