I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
