why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
