piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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