I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
