And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
