I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
