I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize