it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
