I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
