anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
