I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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