I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
