Only a mothe r could love this liver
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
