Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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