we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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