You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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