I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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