a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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