I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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