He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
