It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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