I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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