So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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