i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
