I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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