This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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