i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
