Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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