ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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