You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
