Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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