i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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