Need sex. Gaining weight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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