batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize