Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
