dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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