i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
