Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
