Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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