So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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