i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
