Can Purell be used as lube?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
